etsy doubts, smok-a-phobia

So, it seems my sale notices should read:

lovingly created in a gas-laden prison; or similar.

or

for the record, i smoke. however, for those of who aren´t going to apply your moral hysteria against me, i only sew in rubber gloves, and carefully fumigate my breath before packaging. however, please be advised that over the last two hundred years, my studio has been lived in by smokers, pets, homosexuals, termites, mice, bacteria and ghosts. when you punch the walls, your fist will definitely break, because under all the lead paint, there is a layer of brick doom.



or

not only do i smoke, i´ve probably slept with your boyfriend. in this very dress